How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Vodka?
Forever.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize