There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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