just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
