You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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