I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
4 words: hood of his car
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
