Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
