Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
