My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
