discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
