I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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