the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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