sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
