I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
