My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
