Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize