why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
