I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
