This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
