Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
