im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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