TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
