Pappa wants mamma naked
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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