Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
