I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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