i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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