It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
there was a trapeze. enough said
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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