what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
