It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
