My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Randomize
