Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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