I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
