We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
