Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
