I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
that's an acceptable place to lick
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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