Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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