I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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