My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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