I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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