I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
