i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
