ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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