brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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