We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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