Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
