letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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