sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
