No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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