It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
