it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
