yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
