Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
