That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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