You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Edward fifth and chaser hands
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
