And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
