she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
