i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
