I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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