At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
