ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Randomize
