A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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