Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
