I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
