Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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