He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
