but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
