I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
one might say we're banned from that church
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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