Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
