But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
