so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
