Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
