I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
