It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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